We extend Christmas every year by going to visit my sisters for a few days after Christmas. I love it!!
I very much enjoy Christmas. I am the mom who would wake up her children on Christmas morning because I couldn't wait any longer. True story. I discovered as the mother of young children the absolute blessing of parenthood in Christmas! How amazing and wonderful to see the excitement and joy in sweet little faces as their eyes lit up when I told them "Santa Claus came!"
Yes, yes, I am Santa Claus. Also the Easter Bunny. This does not make the magic and wonder any less real people!!!
This year has been, you will excuse the vernacular, one HELL of a ride!!
Just under a year ago I mentioned to one sister that I had found a lump in my breast, it was probably nothing and to not even mention it to my other sister because it was PROBABLY nothing and I did not want drama that would come with telling anybody anything about it. No sense in worrying people needlessly, etc., etc.
But OOOPS! It turned out to be QUITE something.
I will write more about the year past on the anniversary of my start of the journey. (Stay tuned in January for that!)
For now, though, I want only to wish any faithful readers -- well, readers whether faithful or otherwise -- and the world at large continued Christmas blessings (hey - it isn't over until Epiphany you heathens!!) and may the New Year coming up bring you much joy.
There are blessings in the worst of times if you seek them. Believe me I know about that!!
love to all
Melanie
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Awake, Oh Dreamer, Awake and Live.
I am so blessed.
I could probably write that a number MORE times and not fully express how that feels.
I have a spirit of joy. I could dance around the room inside of myself at that declaration. How many YEARS did I live unaware of that? Way too many. I was weighted down with the living. I was burdened with the sorrows and worries that I bore -- and unaware that inside me was this joy, this bright, shining joy that was a gift from God.
We all have difficulties, burdens, sorrows. We all make mistakes, bad choices, and we fall prey to just plain stupid. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. It's our humanness that just sometimes runs us full in to S-T-U-P-I-D!
I have wallowed in self-pity. I have blindly lashed out at my own frailties by lashing out at others. I have hurt other people.
I have awakened.
I have stepped out of the mud and gloom and darkness that is internal blindness to see that I was making life much harder than it has to be.
While the awakening is a long process, while the healing is itself a painful process, these things strengthen you, they renew you, they enliven you where you thought you were never to awaken, never to heal, never to live, never to pull out of the pool of tears.
I was actually clinically depressed a number of years ago. I had a prescription for anti-depressants, I saw a therapist regularly, I fought the battle all day, every day.
I had these two small sons who needed me, you see. They needed me to be strong, they needed me to keep them from the abyss.
They are grown men now and I am proud of them both. They have their own battles to fight with the darkness and I know I cannot help them. I hope and pray that I have cleared a path for them towards the lightness that is joy. Regardless - their battles are their own as each of us must fight our own way clear.
It may sound a little crazy to say - and it is true, nonetheless - that I think this trip through cancer has been a blessing.
Well, to be more accurate, it has brought me blessings.
One of the blessings it has brought to me has been a strengthened bond with a dear friend, RJ.
RJ has a rare type of cancer herself, and is nearing the end. "The end" - such a simple phrase and perfectly welcome at the end of a story in a book or at the end of a movie.
It is not so welcome when you apply it to life itself. I saw and chatted with RJ yesterday for a while. This was not my first visit with her and I hope it will not have been my last. Each time I have visited her these past few weeks I have feared it would be the last time.
She has fought a valiant and epic battle against her cancer. She has done it with humor and courage and grace.
I told her yesterday how beautiful she was. Her immediate response was no, I'm not beautiful. I had to correct her - I told her she may not feel beautiful, but that is not of the truth.
I won't share about my visit with her - there were some private things discussed between us. So saying, I will tell you and her - I will miss my friend. She knows it is near now. She knows I love her (3 times more) and I know she loves me (again 3 times more) and she is tired.
She has a wonderful loving family - husband and sons, absolutely fabulous daughter-in-love, two sweet grandchildren. She has a strong faith in God - her spirit is unbroken. And she is just about as stubborn as it is possible to be!
She has had to be to get this far! I don't want to say goodbye to her. I don't want her to suffer anymore. And she has suffered, is suffering, and fights on to suffer more because she loves her family and worries about them.
Perhaps, RJ this is the dream. Life is the dream and we will awake when we are done here, THEN we shall live.
Perhaps.
And still I will miss my friend.
I could probably write that a number MORE times and not fully express how that feels.
I have a spirit of joy. I could dance around the room inside of myself at that declaration. How many YEARS did I live unaware of that? Way too many. I was weighted down with the living. I was burdened with the sorrows and worries that I bore -- and unaware that inside me was this joy, this bright, shining joy that was a gift from God.
We all have difficulties, burdens, sorrows. We all make mistakes, bad choices, and we fall prey to just plain stupid. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. It's our humanness that just sometimes runs us full in to S-T-U-P-I-D!
I have wallowed in self-pity. I have blindly lashed out at my own frailties by lashing out at others. I have hurt other people.
I have awakened.
I have stepped out of the mud and gloom and darkness that is internal blindness to see that I was making life much harder than it has to be.
While the awakening is a long process, while the healing is itself a painful process, these things strengthen you, they renew you, they enliven you where you thought you were never to awaken, never to heal, never to live, never to pull out of the pool of tears.
I was actually clinically depressed a number of years ago. I had a prescription for anti-depressants, I saw a therapist regularly, I fought the battle all day, every day.
I had these two small sons who needed me, you see. They needed me to be strong, they needed me to keep them from the abyss.
They are grown men now and I am proud of them both. They have their own battles to fight with the darkness and I know I cannot help them. I hope and pray that I have cleared a path for them towards the lightness that is joy. Regardless - their battles are their own as each of us must fight our own way clear.
It may sound a little crazy to say - and it is true, nonetheless - that I think this trip through cancer has been a blessing.
Well, to be more accurate, it has brought me blessings.
One of the blessings it has brought to me has been a strengthened bond with a dear friend, RJ.
RJ has a rare type of cancer herself, and is nearing the end. "The end" - such a simple phrase and perfectly welcome at the end of a story in a book or at the end of a movie.
It is not so welcome when you apply it to life itself. I saw and chatted with RJ yesterday for a while. This was not my first visit with her and I hope it will not have been my last. Each time I have visited her these past few weeks I have feared it would be the last time.
She has fought a valiant and epic battle against her cancer. She has done it with humor and courage and grace.
I told her yesterday how beautiful she was. Her immediate response was no, I'm not beautiful. I had to correct her - I told her she may not feel beautiful, but that is not of the truth.
I won't share about my visit with her - there were some private things discussed between us. So saying, I will tell you and her - I will miss my friend. She knows it is near now. She knows I love her (3 times more) and I know she loves me (again 3 times more) and she is tired.
She has a wonderful loving family - husband and sons, absolutely fabulous daughter-in-love, two sweet grandchildren. She has a strong faith in God - her spirit is unbroken. And she is just about as stubborn as it is possible to be!
She has had to be to get this far! I don't want to say goodbye to her. I don't want her to suffer anymore. And she has suffered, is suffering, and fights on to suffer more because she loves her family and worries about them.
Perhaps, RJ this is the dream. Life is the dream and we will awake when we are done here, THEN we shall live.
Perhaps.
And still I will miss my friend.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Box it up and move it out of here!
Cancer, that is.
There are ways in which that is exactly what I have done. In the EARLY days of this, I was given a notebook which held all manner of information about cancer. I read it - which actually rather surprised the patient navigator who came to visit me in the hospital.
This is my body, my very life, and I want to be informed about it. I want and need to be informed about all aspects of my treatment; surgery, chemo, radiation, the rest of my life. I have done so. My computer has a whole bookmark file"Breast Health" and it is loaded with bookmarks.
I had thought I would be all but completely done with everything by now. After all, this process began in January and here it is November.
Reality, however, intrudes its ugly little head into that little fantasy. I cannot likely have any surgery to improve my aspect until a year after radiation. That means that this time NEXT year I may, possibly, perhaps, might be close to done with this step of the ongoing adventure.
I don't really complain about this. I do lament a wee bit that it is the way it goes. I still have to receive Herceptin for an entire year - which means I should be done with that by the end of March, 2012. But perhaps not.
My infarction rate is not quite what it should be. This means we may decide I have to suspend treatment for a few months to give my heart time to recover which means the treatment will then resume as if I had not taken a little break from it, thereby extending past the previously targeted end date.
I have to take Arimidex for probably the rest of my life. That is no big deal. I can certainly live with taking one prescription.
My dexa scan was "almost" normal. I mean a tiny little bit less than it should be for ideal bone health and status. So - exercise, calcium intake increase, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. That doesn't sound bad at all. I have been craving fruits and vegetables - and eating them like mad. My poor husband must surely be tired of the arrival on the table of broccoli and of winter squash.
As much as I would like to box this whole thing up and pack it away to never be seen again, I know that is unrealistic. I need the information that I have literally put in a box under the table in my family room. I may not need all of it right now, but there is information I will need at any given moment therein. Plus - I had put in that box some of the many cards and well wishes I have received over this period of time. And those are dear to me.
I don't want to look at them. I know that is a weird dichotomy - the treasuring of them and the desire to have nothing to do with them.
I'm just a little fatigued, you see. I will gather myself back up and move forward and get to all of the things that had to be laid by the wayside during this task. It is a little overwhelming, though. I had to lay aside so many things. I hope to pick them up again as graciously as possible.
In the end, the only thing that I really want to put in the box is the fatigue and overwhelm. Because I have found so many blessings along the way. I would never wish cancer on any one. ANYone. Yet throughout this journey, because I kept my eyes on God, because I did strive to love God and be called according to His purpose, oh, how He has blessed me.
There are ways in which that is exactly what I have done. In the EARLY days of this, I was given a notebook which held all manner of information about cancer. I read it - which actually rather surprised the patient navigator who came to visit me in the hospital.
This is my body, my very life, and I want to be informed about it. I want and need to be informed about all aspects of my treatment; surgery, chemo, radiation, the rest of my life. I have done so. My computer has a whole bookmark file"Breast Health" and it is loaded with bookmarks.
I had thought I would be all but completely done with everything by now. After all, this process began in January and here it is November.
Reality, however, intrudes its ugly little head into that little fantasy. I cannot likely have any surgery to improve my aspect until a year after radiation. That means that this time NEXT year I may, possibly, perhaps, might be close to done with this step of the ongoing adventure.
I don't really complain about this. I do lament a wee bit that it is the way it goes. I still have to receive Herceptin for an entire year - which means I should be done with that by the end of March, 2012. But perhaps not.
My infarction rate is not quite what it should be. This means we may decide I have to suspend treatment for a few months to give my heart time to recover which means the treatment will then resume as if I had not taken a little break from it, thereby extending past the previously targeted end date.
I have to take Arimidex for probably the rest of my life. That is no big deal. I can certainly live with taking one prescription.
My dexa scan was "almost" normal. I mean a tiny little bit less than it should be for ideal bone health and status. So - exercise, calcium intake increase, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. That doesn't sound bad at all. I have been craving fruits and vegetables - and eating them like mad. My poor husband must surely be tired of the arrival on the table of broccoli and of winter squash.
As much as I would like to box this whole thing up and pack it away to never be seen again, I know that is unrealistic. I need the information that I have literally put in a box under the table in my family room. I may not need all of it right now, but there is information I will need at any given moment therein. Plus - I had put in that box some of the many cards and well wishes I have received over this period of time. And those are dear to me.
I don't want to look at them. I know that is a weird dichotomy - the treasuring of them and the desire to have nothing to do with them.
I'm just a little fatigued, you see. I will gather myself back up and move forward and get to all of the things that had to be laid by the wayside during this task. It is a little overwhelming, though. I had to lay aside so many things. I hope to pick them up again as graciously as possible.
In the end, the only thing that I really want to put in the box is the fatigue and overwhelm. Because I have found so many blessings along the way. I would never wish cancer on any one. ANYone. Yet throughout this journey, because I kept my eyes on God, because I did strive to love God and be called according to His purpose, oh, how He has blessed me.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Graduation
Should I give a commencement address???
Yay me!! Today was my official LAST DAY OF RADIATION!!
My skin looks very good. I saw my lovely Dr. Newman and she commented that most people's skin reaction looks like mine after only 4 weeks. I had 6 weeks of the full area and then six treatments of the incision area only. So 7 weeks of treatment.
This is 1) years of good skin care (no soap, sun protection, moisturization); 2) gentle cleaning this radiation period with a truly mild soap (Neutrogena) and continued good skin care; 3) good genes and; 4) Excellent Luck!!
Okay, maybe add trying to be properly nourished - vitamins, hydration, veggies, etc.
Don't think, however, that means vegetarianism of any variety. Mmmm, I love me some good beef. We went out to a lovely steak dinner to celebrate the end of the chemo cocktails. We did that right BEFORE the final cocktail so I could actually taste and enjoy the meal;p
Now it is time to move on to the next stage of my treatment; further recovery and getting on with my life!
I am not quite ready to go to the "Image Recovery Specialist" - I think I will wait until my skin is actually healed. To be perfectly honest - I can not begin to tell you how much I am enjoying the not having to worry about a bra that I am currently experiencing.
Look - those girls were EVERYWHERE!! I know that loads of ladies claim they want larger busts, talk about enlargement surgeries, etc.
Are you crazy??? They are heavy! You will get furrows in your shoulders from wearing bras to hold up the big girls. The furrows will never, repeat, never go away. You have to worry all the time about things such as "doggone it, is that button popped open AGAIN??!!" and of course a personal favorite of mine - the old "hello, I am about a foot higher and they are not going to talk you!!" syndrome.
Seriously, while I am working on the one hand with the hole in the metaphysical universe, the underlying feeling of loss of femininity, I am conversely SOO enjoying the lightness, the freedom of not having to deal with it!
There are multiple layers to deal with to every single aspect of this journey. Some of them are positive, some of them are not. Regardless - on I go on my continuing journey to thriving post cancer, post bi-lateral mastectomy.
I wrote that on purpose. Sometimes it is hard to think about "bi-lateral mastectomy." Oh, I know full well what it means and what it is. Mostly I am okay with it. It means I have increased my odds of staying alive and healthy on the planet. It just also means I have to deal with a completely different body image than I ever expected to.
I don't mean that to sound like a complaint, and I hope it doesn't. It is not meant as one, rather it is an observation of my life now.
It is what it is and I don't mind that I have to deal with it. Why not me? I would certainly prefer to take it on my own shoulders than to have someone else take it, whether someone I love or even someone I don't love. I have it. The strength, the ability to walk through it. God has blessed me.
Cancer does have blessings it brings.
Yay me!! Today was my official LAST DAY OF RADIATION!!
My skin looks very good. I saw my lovely Dr. Newman and she commented that most people's skin reaction looks like mine after only 4 weeks. I had 6 weeks of the full area and then six treatments of the incision area only. So 7 weeks of treatment.
This is 1) years of good skin care (no soap, sun protection, moisturization); 2) gentle cleaning this radiation period with a truly mild soap (Neutrogena) and continued good skin care; 3) good genes and; 4) Excellent Luck!!
Okay, maybe add trying to be properly nourished - vitamins, hydration, veggies, etc.
Don't think, however, that means vegetarianism of any variety. Mmmm, I love me some good beef. We went out to a lovely steak dinner to celebrate the end of the chemo cocktails. We did that right BEFORE the final cocktail so I could actually taste and enjoy the meal;p
Now it is time to move on to the next stage of my treatment; further recovery and getting on with my life!
I am not quite ready to go to the "Image Recovery Specialist" - I think I will wait until my skin is actually healed. To be perfectly honest - I can not begin to tell you how much I am enjoying the not having to worry about a bra that I am currently experiencing.
Look - those girls were EVERYWHERE!! I know that loads of ladies claim they want larger busts, talk about enlargement surgeries, etc.
Are you crazy??? They are heavy! You will get furrows in your shoulders from wearing bras to hold up the big girls. The furrows will never, repeat, never go away. You have to worry all the time about things such as "doggone it, is that button popped open AGAIN??!!" and of course a personal favorite of mine - the old "hello, I am about a foot higher and they are not going to talk you!!" syndrome.
Seriously, while I am working on the one hand with the hole in the metaphysical universe, the underlying feeling of loss of femininity, I am conversely SOO enjoying the lightness, the freedom of not having to deal with it!
There are multiple layers to deal with to every single aspect of this journey. Some of them are positive, some of them are not. Regardless - on I go on my continuing journey to thriving post cancer, post bi-lateral mastectomy.
I wrote that on purpose. Sometimes it is hard to think about "bi-lateral mastectomy." Oh, I know full well what it means and what it is. Mostly I am okay with it. It means I have increased my odds of staying alive and healthy on the planet. It just also means I have to deal with a completely different body image than I ever expected to.
I don't mean that to sound like a complaint, and I hope it doesn't. It is not meant as one, rather it is an observation of my life now.
It is what it is and I don't mind that I have to deal with it. Why not me? I would certainly prefer to take it on my own shoulders than to have someone else take it, whether someone I love or even someone I don't love. I have it. The strength, the ability to walk through it. God has blessed me.
Cancer does have blessings it brings.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I love Costco
I have finished with the main larger area of radiation. Today I had the first of 6 "boost" radiation exposures which target the incision line specifically.
So good news - the radiation is almost done with (YAY!), the area radiated is smaller, and MOST of it is now behind me.
The not so good news - I broke out in blisters yesterday. Not huge, gigantic blisters, not 100s of blisters, not excruciatingly painful blisters. Blisters, nonetheless.
Fortunately, sweet friend Nell had given me some Mepilex (?) adhesive bandage things. It is Mepilex, I just checked. I wanted to call it Mylar, which I KNOW it is not!
Anyway, it kind of cushions the blisters and should they burst will absorb the liquid and thereby prevent my skin from getting all torn up and painful.
My chest is red and I can feel the heat pouring off of it when I touch it although what it feels like mostly is simply a stinging for the most part. I have areas where it feels stiff inside, if that makes sense to anyone.
I guess the best way I can describe it is this: think of beef jerky. You start with meat that is hydrated and flexible, as was my chest. After time in the smoker or dehydrator, or in my case - after some time of radiation, the product is considerably dryer, still warm from the "oven" and is not so flexible any more. Thus, it feels as if when I raise my arms straight above my head, which I need to do in order to continue to be able to lift them above my head, it is as if the muscles are in need of stretching. Which, of course, is exactly the case. Not because I have not moved my muscles and they have atrophied, but because they have been sort of cooked and are thus stiff and a little tight.
Kind of a gross analogy, but rather accurate.
I generally am feeling quite well. I run out of energy by the end of the day but I have energy in the first place so that is a grand and glorious thing altogether!
My spirits are excellent - Thank you Lord!! I am getting ready to start taking an aromatase inhibitor once I am through with radiation. That would be a hormone regimen to combat a recurrence of my cancer.
Can't say as I am really excited about that but the whole staying alive and healthy thing definitely appeals to me!
When my Dr. told me about the drug he advised me it would cost probably $200 to $300 a month. I checked at my pharmacy of choice. The Doctor's sweet wife works there and she told me she had sent out price comparison requests on a variety of drugs. Yes, at some pharmacies in town two to three HUNDRED is the monthly rate. At my pharmacy of choice it will cost me twenty dollars and some odd cents.
I love Costco.
By the way, if you don't know, one does NOT have to be a Costco member to use their pharmacy. You just tell them at the front when they ask for your member card that you are going to the pharmacy.
So good news - the radiation is almost done with (YAY!), the area radiated is smaller, and MOST of it is now behind me.
The not so good news - I broke out in blisters yesterday. Not huge, gigantic blisters, not 100s of blisters, not excruciatingly painful blisters. Blisters, nonetheless.
Fortunately, sweet friend Nell had given me some Mepilex (?) adhesive bandage things. It is Mepilex, I just checked. I wanted to call it Mylar, which I KNOW it is not!
Anyway, it kind of cushions the blisters and should they burst will absorb the liquid and thereby prevent my skin from getting all torn up and painful.
My chest is red and I can feel the heat pouring off of it when I touch it although what it feels like mostly is simply a stinging for the most part. I have areas where it feels stiff inside, if that makes sense to anyone.
I guess the best way I can describe it is this: think of beef jerky. You start with meat that is hydrated and flexible, as was my chest. After time in the smoker or dehydrator, or in my case - after some time of radiation, the product is considerably dryer, still warm from the "oven" and is not so flexible any more. Thus, it feels as if when I raise my arms straight above my head, which I need to do in order to continue to be able to lift them above my head, it is as if the muscles are in need of stretching. Which, of course, is exactly the case. Not because I have not moved my muscles and they have atrophied, but because they have been sort of cooked and are thus stiff and a little tight.
Kind of a gross analogy, but rather accurate.
I generally am feeling quite well. I run out of energy by the end of the day but I have energy in the first place so that is a grand and glorious thing altogether!
My spirits are excellent - Thank you Lord!! I am getting ready to start taking an aromatase inhibitor once I am through with radiation. That would be a hormone regimen to combat a recurrence of my cancer.
Can't say as I am really excited about that but the whole staying alive and healthy thing definitely appeals to me!
When my Dr. told me about the drug he advised me it would cost probably $200 to $300 a month. I checked at my pharmacy of choice. The Doctor's sweet wife works there and she told me she had sent out price comparison requests on a variety of drugs. Yes, at some pharmacies in town two to three HUNDRED is the monthly rate. At my pharmacy of choice it will cost me twenty dollars and some odd cents.
I love Costco.
By the way, if you don't know, one does NOT have to be a Costco member to use their pharmacy. You just tell them at the front when they ask for your member card that you are going to the pharmacy.
Friday, September 30, 2011
The score is 23 - 5
That is - I have now officially had 23 radiation treatments with only 5 more left to go!!
It is more inconvenience than anything else for me (sorry to be so redundant!) and I am feeling a little bit of a sting now. That Mary Kay Ltd Edition After Sun Replenishing Gel is absolutely fabulous though!! It immediately cools and soothes the sting which is making me very happy, indeed!
Today is my 16th anniversary!
This year has been very difficult. That could probably go without saying. The fact of the matter is, however, that it has brought many blessings with it as well as the hardships.
My favorite blessing - I know absolutely and without question that I hit the jackpot with marrying my husband. I know absolutely that he loves me. And I hope he knows absolutely that I love him.
It is more inconvenience than anything else for me (sorry to be so redundant!) and I am feeling a little bit of a sting now. That Mary Kay Ltd Edition After Sun Replenishing Gel is absolutely fabulous though!! It immediately cools and soothes the sting which is making me very happy, indeed!
Today is my 16th anniversary!
This year has been very difficult. That could probably go without saying. The fact of the matter is, however, that it has brought many blessings with it as well as the hardships.
My favorite blessing - I know absolutely and without question that I hit the jackpot with marrying my husband. I know absolutely that he loves me. And I hope he knows absolutely that I love him.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
grocery shopping
something I really don't like to do even while I like to do it....
This year has been such a disruption in the grocery shopping process!
I have, indeed, learned that if I don't have a meal plan for the week I go to the store and come home with several half meals, nothing goes together and I have no idea what I am making for dinner!
So I make a weekly meal plan and then I can actually get groceries in that work, I save money by sticking to my plan and list (unless the husband is with me and in a "hey, let's get this" mood, but that is a whole other story) and I know what we are having for dinner!
The problem earlier (as in during chemo) was that I hardly cared what I ate since I couldn't taste it anyway, most things bothered my stomach, and I still needed to put something on the table that Ruben would eat.
Now, so saying, let me say that Ruben will actually eat almost anything you put before him. He may smother it with Tabasco sauce, he may request that it never appear again, but generally he is willing to try anything - once.
The problem is - and I know that surely every wife in the world must face this problem - when asked what he might like to eat this week the answer is usually "Oh, I don't care, dear. Whatever you feel like making."
I hate to tell you this people but they NEVER have that at the store. Had you noticed? Every grocery store I have ever been to is ALWAYS out of "whatever" and "I don't care" -- isn't that your experience too?
I am a fairly good cook and I mostly enjoy the cooking process. I just seem to get in a rut and become able to only think of a few things, a limited and redundant few things to cook. Then when a suggestion is actually made I will get this aversion to it. At least, momentarily. When I do solicit requests, though, they at least will help me springboard to other ideas.
So I signed up for "Food on the Table" for a 3 month period to see if that will help. I know it WILL help plan meals. I just have to direct the contrary streak within me so I can utilize the meal planning service effectively!
I must say that during chemo when so many sweet friends brought meals to us - (some of which I was even able to fully taste!) it was such a blessing! I didn't have to think about what to cook, what to eat, what to buy and I know some really good cooks!!!
Every meal brought to us was an offering of love and kindness and wishes for improved health and I value them more than I can say. Sweet RJ brought paper goods. Genius!!! I would not have thought of that but one does need paper towels and napkins and storage bags and disposable plates and cutlery and such.
I am SO happy to be having this problem!! I cannot begin to properly communicate the absolute JOY of having to figure out what to eat, what to buy, what to cook after having had the chemo induced mindset of "Eat? Really?" I am delighted to no longer be existing on cottage cheese and flour tortillas. I LOVE to taste food again!!
So bring on the menu planning problems!! I can use a service for that and I will let you know how that goes!!
This year has been such a disruption in the grocery shopping process!
I have, indeed, learned that if I don't have a meal plan for the week I go to the store and come home with several half meals, nothing goes together and I have no idea what I am making for dinner!
So I make a weekly meal plan and then I can actually get groceries in that work, I save money by sticking to my plan and list (unless the husband is with me and in a "hey, let's get this" mood, but that is a whole other story) and I know what we are having for dinner!
The problem earlier (as in during chemo) was that I hardly cared what I ate since I couldn't taste it anyway, most things bothered my stomach, and I still needed to put something on the table that Ruben would eat.
Now, so saying, let me say that Ruben will actually eat almost anything you put before him. He may smother it with Tabasco sauce, he may request that it never appear again, but generally he is willing to try anything - once.
The problem is - and I know that surely every wife in the world must face this problem - when asked what he might like to eat this week the answer is usually "Oh, I don't care, dear. Whatever you feel like making."
I hate to tell you this people but they NEVER have that at the store. Had you noticed? Every grocery store I have ever been to is ALWAYS out of "whatever" and "I don't care" -- isn't that your experience too?
I am a fairly good cook and I mostly enjoy the cooking process. I just seem to get in a rut and become able to only think of a few things, a limited and redundant few things to cook. Then when a suggestion is actually made I will get this aversion to it. At least, momentarily. When I do solicit requests, though, they at least will help me springboard to other ideas.
So I signed up for "Food on the Table" for a 3 month period to see if that will help. I know it WILL help plan meals. I just have to direct the contrary streak within me so I can utilize the meal planning service effectively!
I must say that during chemo when so many sweet friends brought meals to us - (some of which I was even able to fully taste!) it was such a blessing! I didn't have to think about what to cook, what to eat, what to buy and I know some really good cooks!!!
Every meal brought to us was an offering of love and kindness and wishes for improved health and I value them more than I can say. Sweet RJ brought paper goods. Genius!!! I would not have thought of that but one does need paper towels and napkins and storage bags and disposable plates and cutlery and such.
I am SO happy to be having this problem!! I cannot begin to properly communicate the absolute JOY of having to figure out what to eat, what to buy, what to cook after having had the chemo induced mindset of "Eat? Really?" I am delighted to no longer be existing on cottage cheese and flour tortillas. I LOVE to taste food again!!
So bring on the menu planning problems!! I can use a service for that and I will let you know how that goes!!
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