The Third Week

Thus far, all of my "third weeks" have been pretty good.

I consider week one starts with the chemo cocktail, week two begins the following Thursday with an infusion of Herceptin only, and week 3 begins with the second Herceptin only infusion. Then we start all over again.

So by about halfway through the second week I start to feel pretty well. Week 3 infusion comes and for that day and the next I feel pretty crappy again. Then I get relatively close to a "normal" feeling for a few days.

This feeling, however, is tempered by anxiety. I know what's coming. I know I don't like what is coming. I repeatedly tell myself "Get in this moment, Mel. Stay in THIS moment." That does help on Saturday. It helps a little less on Sunday and on Monday. The help it provides erodes as things that used to be easy become very tiring.

I have held a "Ladies' Luncheon" earlier in the spring for the previous 3 years. It is a girly wonderful time - we wear hats - of which I can provide some extras! I get down my mother's punch bowl. We use the good silver, nice dishes and celebrate our feminine selves with pleasant company, cute food (oh come on ladies - you know you love cute food), laughter and companionship. I was unable to do that this year and I really miss that experience.

Next year I will re-institute this event. Also next year - I need to start planning now - I will have to have a "I am Alive" celebration. With food that I like and can actually taste. Much of the time right now I may as well eat cardboard, styro-foam, or aluminum foil. Doesn't sound too appealing does it?

So some of the time I can actually taste food and that is great when I can. Sometimes, however, does not count!! Which leads me to today's lecture on ...

The Theory of Food vs The Reality of Food

"What sounds good for dinner?" Ah, here is a question. You see, any number of things may SOUND good for dinner, or lunch, or breakfast or just it sounds good.... That would fall under The Theory of Food. Let's use as an example a juicy, medium rare steak. Oh I am a carnivore - and happy to be one. If God wanted us to be vegetarians He would not have made beef so very tasty... Envision the steak - It looks delicious, it smells delicious, you know that it is tender and flavorful. Then you cut in to this steak, take a bite and taste - nothing. Or it tastes metallic. Or it just tastes strange - not like food that is spoiled, just off, not quite like anything that is good or that you would want to eat. There is where we come to Food Reality while on chemo.

And it can be anything - maybe some sweet delicious Ranier Cherries. You know they are fruity deliciousness. But are they? Maybe. It depends on when you eat them. And that could change at any time. And may be different in a couple of days.

I do enjoy when food tastes like food. I keep holding out for that. Thus - I won't eat my very favorite things right now. There just isn't much point. Say a beautiful Brie cheese with some lovely fruit.

Add to the mix the delightful (?) proposition of tasting it for the second time, if you catch my drift....

I want to like the foods I like when this is all over, so I won't risk ruining them by the results of extreme nausea...

Right now - in this 3rd week, food tastes pretty good, I am not nauseated unless I get over tired, and then it can pass pretty quickly if I get some rest, so I am enjoying food. I intend to continue to do so until we live again in the conflict of theory vs reality. It won't last forever. And there is always flour tortillas; one of the few foods that always (for ME, at least) tastes like what it is.....